you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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