alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
