she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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