This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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