awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
