Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
