I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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