It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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