Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think i have herpe
just one?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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