hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
