the condom got lost in my hair
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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