How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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