so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
