I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
