Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
