My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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