I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
