i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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