Do vagina's smell?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
