I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
