He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
