I'm laying in your front yard are you home
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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