dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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