remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
