i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
