Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
