I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
