i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
