The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
