friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
