Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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