Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
