Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
