Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i came on her dog
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
