Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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