talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My vagina is very pro this idea
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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