When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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