at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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