I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
