I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
