Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
