Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
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Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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