How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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