So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
