You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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