Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
