Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
