he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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