guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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