So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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