i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
