he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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