I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
