I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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