Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
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Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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