My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
