it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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