eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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