The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
