I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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