just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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