You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize