I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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