I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
