This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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