Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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