We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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