That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you would pick up someone in the library
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
