i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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