dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
