I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
