I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
