Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND