It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this