Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.

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(303): Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe. http://tfl.nu/e8mh

Replies (5) Good night (1174) Bad night (404)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.

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(732): So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes. http://tfl.nu/cehz

Replies (5) Good night (613) Bad night (4061) Order T-Shirt
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(954): View more from Florida

I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

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(954): I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about. http://tfl.nu/gd5e

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.

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(978): who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name. http://tfl.nu/fmfw

Replies (16) Good night (1066) Bad night (4560) Order T-Shirt
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(517): View more from Michigan

He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls

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(517): He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls http://tfl.nu/0ix2

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(585): View more from New York

i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.

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(585): i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope. http://tfl.nu/beur

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV

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(908): Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV http://tfl.nu/9om8

Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
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(802): View more from Vermont

Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.

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(802): Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester. http://tfl.nu/l7en

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(281): View more from Texas

that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.

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(281): that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms. http://tfl.nu/qnq5

Replies (18) Good night (1746) Bad night (713)
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(360): View more from Washington

Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.

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(360): Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats. http://tfl.nu/2ns1

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(626): View more from California

So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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(626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i

Replies (5) Good night (2591) Bad night (469)
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(360): View more from Washington

Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...

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(360): Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys... http://tfl.nu/6y99

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(518): View more from New York

I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.

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(518): I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive. http://tfl.nu/rul5

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?

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(603): I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night? http://tfl.nu/pz1o

Replies (3) Good night (210) Bad night (533)
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(518): View more from New York

He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.

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(518): He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard. http://tfl.nu/suwu

Replies (6) Good night (198) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt

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