I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.