Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?