dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.