I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..