he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃