It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
