I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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