I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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